BC108: Creating your Niche

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION 

1. Stop and think what niche you belong to? Perhaps you belong to more than one? 

• Spiritual coaching and transformation coaching (not sure of name yet).    
• Buddhist-based mindfulness coaching
• Career transition and sales coaching

 

 2. Think of three close friends? What niches do they belong to?   

• Spiritual
• Mindfulness & Buddhist-based

 

3. Even though you are friends, do you fit the same niche profile?  

We do.  

DISCUSSION   

1. What do you think are the potential benefits of having a niche in your coaching practice?      

Focus and success. 

2. What are the possible limitations? 

Downturns in an industry.
Personal fatigue in one area.  

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION  

1. Who do you want to coach? 

Those interested in the process of their thinking and breaking the patterns.
Those seeking spiritual fulfillment and realization.Those who want to improve their sales ability.Those who want to improve their relationships and life circumstances. 

2. How do you want to focus your coaching practice? 

People are already asking me a lot of questions about my coaching and my focus. My elevator speech is “People hire me to hold up a great big mirror so they can get on with it.” The focus here is clear to me but it may need clarification for my potential audience. I come from sales, training and marketing so I know I will get to the place where I can articulate the benefits and potential outcomes for my clientele. For now, I am happy to think about people being drawn to me because of who I am and my coaching presence. I’m interested in the niche revealing itself to me in this discovery process. 

3. What is your niche? 

Transformation, spiritual realization, mindfulness, yoga, life and sales. This may sound like a lot but I am honing in on a right brain/left brain idea for my niche.  

if you could ask anyone one question who and what?

the continents started out as a mass of land and over time and because of several hiccups in the mantle things began to drift apart. people floated to the edges of the globe and food was different everywhere because some places there was sun and some places there was a lot of rain and other places were so frozen cold you would never find a banana.

 tribes got used to their new locations on the planet space and forgot that one time they were all part of the same big coconut and their languages took the shape of the rhythm of their islands then over time all manner of customs, clothes and especially rules were introduced. finally people got tired of their bananas or frozen dinners and went traveling and found other bits of mantle and said hey i like your drinks, dances and party hats. let me stay here. some places were more friendly than others because they didn’t worry. other places worried alot. one place had a sign up when you entered their land that said “worry is not preparation”. because of televison and telephones and telecommunting and teleclasses people’s mantles were all brought together again. so far they are not living happily ever after because of bumping into each other at night when the cones or the rods (i always forget) aren’t working at full mast. but there is hope. because there is chocolate. everyone likes chocolate. some think this may be the darkness that was brought to save the world. the end.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

PT103: Responsibility vs Blame

DISCUSSION  

1. List three things for which you are taking responsibility in your life.   

• My
  ICA study/homework
• Taking care of my body/self-nurturing
• Connecting with my friends/family frequently

 

2. List three things for which you blame yourself or others. (You may not want to look here, but be honest.)      

• Judgment
• Irritation
• Impatience

 

3. For each issue you answered in number two: What are three ways you could have contributed to or caused the situation, or result?    

All are under my control. All are a product of my attachment to thinking that others’ behavior or the external environment is responsible for how I feel. 

4. For each issue, what is one thing you can now do about it, if anything? (Note: sometimes it does not need to change.)   

Meditation is the way for me to get these states of mind under control. It gives me a glimpse into the core of where freedom lies and who is ultimately responsible and to blame. Awareness is the first step to knowing that something needs to change. I find that if I have the opportunity to talk my reaction through with the person who I am blaming then I can quiet the agitation and the need to feel they are responsible for anything I feel. If that person holds compassion then it becomes easier to sift the emotion away from the situation and come to a place of ownership of my reaction and then freedom. The roots of these responses lie in deep samskaras (imprints and impressions) from growing up (intensely critical and judgmental environment) and from past life. 

This whole issue of responsibility vs blame becomes more challenging on the world stage. We look at various leaders who are making choices that result in the death of our children. Who is responsible for their death? Who is to be blamed if anyone? Is it true that a child who has been taken from their home to become an indentured servant is to blame for their imprisonment?  

When we get to the deeper issue of “Is there ever a victim” things get blurry because some great thinkers and feelers in the world will argue and advocate for victims of a condition, of genocide, of crime and selfishness.  

When a good friend dies of cancer, were they responsible for the cancer that came to their body? What if they lived close to a place that was toxic, caused by a corporation? Are they a victim? What if they ate foods that were promised as safe and they were toxic? Are they to blame because they didn’t investigate the chemistry of the food themselves? 

I personally have a problem with the metaphysical attitude that when someone becomes ill, they are considered to be completely responsible for their sickness. I think we miss the piece that this entire planet, this eco-system is an interdependent linking of consciousness and environments. Are we all to blame together? Are we all responsible together? Where is the freedom for each soul?

PT105: Responding vs Reacting

1. What are some common “reactions” you see in people or situations around you?

• Anger
• Impatience
• Sadness

 

2. What are some of the likely consequences of each of these? 

• Hurt and suffering
• Disconnecting from kindness
• Body breaks down—immune system even compromised with negative thinking

 

DISCUSSION 

1. Who do you know who responds to people and their surroundings? What do you think of them? 

My brother, John. He’s the Buddha. He is a physician for poor people. He has cultivated a disposition of open mindedness that allows him to connect with people without judgment or opinion. He is a hero to me and he treats his patients as if they were royalty, no matter their position in life.  

2. Who do you know who reacts to people and their surroundings? What do you think of them? 

My stepdaughter. She is a victim of her emotions and is caught in a web of thinking that everyone else’s reaction has something to do with her—she spins out and reacts to everything. I am working with her UAC’s to support her in finding internal stability and self-confidence so this one gets nipped and she grows a healthy life.  

3. Distinguish the difference between responding and reacting and give an example of each. 

The line at the supermarket is long and I am in a hurry. The choice is wait and be content waiting and use the time in a constructive or even restful way OR be impatient and angry and disgusted every time the cashier extends the wait by having to call for help with the price of an item. It’s a choice. It’s a mindset. It’s practice. It’s having enough rest and balance in one’s life to make the choice. When I’m tired, rushed, have too much to do—the reactions are right at the surface.  

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION 

1. List the last time you repeatedly reacted to something. If you can’t find a specific instance, pick an example of a situation where you typically get angry. 

My brother not contacting me anymore. Makes me sad, makes me angry. 

2. Identify the honest TRUTH about the situation. Detect the real feeling behind what is actually going on here. 

I judge him for being caught in his belief systems and framing his world around the idea that he was not loved, he was the last in line so he was basically abandoned, and I also judge him for his intense critical nature (how ironic!) Underneath I have compassion but I keep turning toward feeling sad that he has cast me off. I think it has something to do with boundaries. I have set certain boundaries with him that weren’t there before and he can’t relate to me from the place we always have so he has no where to go. Though I reach out to him and send loving notes, leave messages and visualize him in a great, big space for him to be exactly how he needs to be—the fact is, I want him to change. And I miss him. I expect him to contact me from a new place (trap!) 

3. What is the underlying belief causing this reaction? 

I’m afraid one of us will die before we can connect again. 

4. Create a new Perspective or Commitment for yourself. What is a response you could choose next time this happens? 

I commit to thinking of him as my teacher—as a perfect being who is following his own, righteous path of being. My response when I see him is love. That’s all.  

5-7 (homework) 

8. What freedom have you gained in your own life from using this model Responding vs Reacting? 

Learning to respond and not react is the ultimate personal freedom plan. Possession of the power to lean into the heart and not the head is the pathway to love. Responding gives us the choice to come from how we want to show up in the world and not how our habits and conditions have “caused us” to react to life. If we can do this, and model this for our children—holy cow of karma…what a life this is.  

PT106: Respect vs Invalidation

DISCUSSION

1. What are some judgments you have that invalidate others and perhaps yourself? 

What a strange question. It pulls me into judgment to answer it. I don’t have an answer right now for this. Today is extraordinary and I may have just met my first paying client because I’m sitting here in this coffee shop in a space of self-validation and respect. There is an answer to this question but it doesn’t need to be talked about right this moment.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION 1. Look into different areas of your life, and list 10 standards by which you already hold yourself responsible to behave.    

• Satya—Truthfulness
• Asteya—Non-stealing
• Aparigraha—Non-coveting
• Ahimsa—Non-violence
• Brahmacharya—Continence
• Sauca—Cleanliness
• Santosa—Happiness
• Tapas—Discipline
• Svadhyaya—Self-study
• Isvara Pranidhana—Surrender

2. Now write down three standards you would like to live by. Choose one to put into practice this week.

My yoga practice leads me to practice and detach, practice and detach. It is called abhyasa and vairagya. Yoga is accomplished by balancing these two paths. Through practice I learn what “standards” are weak in my fiber, in my mind and how those weaknesses show up in my thought, word and deeds. It changes daily. Some days I find that I need to focus on finding fun in my work, on being a parent that listens and loves, on being self-nurturing instead of just being disciplined. This week I commit to having more fun—outside of my business and
ICA. It’s needed. So much school, work and homework! The fun I’m looking for is play outside of my “disciplines” of work and school. Hiking, being with friends and playing with my step-daughters.  DISCUSSION

1. Where in your life do you think you need to strengthen your boundaries?

This is something I can honestly say I have worked with quite a bit and feel quite balanced in my life around boundaries. Maybe it’s just that I’ve made so many stupid mistakes and repeated them so many times, that my silly brain finally learned how to think clearly to save my darling body from any further abuse. My friends understand my boundaries, my family certainly understands my boundaries, and new people that meet me see someone who is fairly steadfast in her ability to stand up for herself and her needs. If there is a place that requires a bit more work, it is not external boundaries but internal boundaries of “not allowing my brain” to go off in a particular direction and being mindful and vigilant about keeping myself on the right track internally. Does that make sense to anyone?

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION Make a list of your personal boundaries. What are they? 

• Limits on supporting “wounds” with friends
• Removing myself from situations when it is time to self-nurture
• There are all the usual ones (no abuse both verbally, mentally and physically)
• Keeping my mind “clean” – aligning thought, word and deed and noticing when they are off—then self-nurture and get back on track
• Finding my voice when it’s important to be heard (especially in an intimate situation with spouse, friend or family)

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION

1. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?  

• Regular yoga practice
• Being on-time and dependable, fulfilling all my work and family obligations
• Eating well

2. What about respect for others? 

• Deep listening with a friend
• Supporting another friend with her business-building
• Telling my Mom what she means to me and how I see her in the world

3. In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated yourself. Pinpoint your underlying judgments in each of these.

This is always the same for me. It is not the external demonstrable behaviors that invalidate me but it is the state of mind from which they arise. The one that I work on continually is self-acknowledgment for my successes and knowing that I have value to give to the world. 

5. In the following four days, recognize three ways you disrespect yourself, and turn it into respect.  

This week I cut out daily “extra” sugar. Moderation in all things is good, but I am preparing to attend a major yoga convention and I want to care for my body in the best way possible now so I am tuned to receive the teachings. Sugar brings me down a bit and it is good to respect myself and have a break from that too.  I wrote daily self-acknowledgments and wins on my white board in my office. 

I scheduled a massage to give myself a break from the hard work. Very good! 

“Through cultivation of friendliness, compassion, joy, and indifference to pleasure and pain, virtue and vice respectively, the consciousness becomes favorably disposed, serene and benevolent.”

–Yoga Sutras of Patanjali 1.33 translation by B.K.S. Iyengar

cut it up

what frame lives around you?
did you build that puppet theatre when you were 9?
change the wallpaper in your house
open up the windows
WHAT is your grand illusion?
WHAT is the story that you must hold on to?
WHAT is the story that you can never let die?

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

inside wise

“julius caesar
and the roman empire
couldn’t conquer
the blue sky

everywhere you go
always take the weather with you
everywhere you go
always take the weather
the weather with you”

-crowded house

PT102: Commitment vs Trying

DISCUSSION1.How useful is this subject, “Commitment vs Trying” in: a) your life? b) your clients’ life?
2.What is the advantage in detecting your UAC’s?

Today I had an “inadvertent” coaching session with a friend who is having a difficult time with something. She described a neurotic compulsion that she “tries” to change but it doesn’t change. The words she used throughout our time together were so interesting because I had just read this module. She repeatedly returned to the word “try” and I was quite aware that she was committed to some UAC underneath her “trying” that was taking away her power.

She experienced quite a breakthrough in our time together. I hope that I helped serve her in some way to act as a mirror and guide her with effective questions and feedback, truth-telling and perspective. We got down to an emotional UAC about her Father and I have to admit I was pretty blown away. I felt intense tingling through my body and such emotion when she arrived at this place of recognizing that she had never grieved the death of her Father, never dealt with her emotions around it, and in fact it was her relationship with her Father that had set this UAC in motion that was causing the issue we started with.

What we started with was something far removed from Father, far removed from the emotional container she had put herself in since her Father’s death. We looked at each other with such an open and powerful recognition that she had been given one of her pearls of wisdom, one of the deep, essential Truths that she held about herself. I honored her for finding it and for seeing it and supported her in recognizing the power of its discovery—that she could once and for all more beyond this UAC.

Yes, Commitment vs. Trying is powerful. Yes, it uncovers what we think we are about and what is really going on under the surface. I am a believer in the value of this Powerful Tool.

REFLECTION AND APPLICATION

1.What are the three things in your life that you have committed to and achieved?
•Iyengar Yoga Certification
•Non-profit Board Service (4 year appointment and completed with integrity all duties attributed to my Officer position and improved the process for my successor.)
•Being a true friend to my step-daughters

2.What are three things you have been trying to achieve for a long time but haven’t yet?

• Being compassionate with one of my family member’s personality quirks
•Being compassionate with an associate’s choices which cause suffering for those around this person
•Being compassionate with myself for my judgments of others

3.Why have you been able to achieve the things answered in question one and not in question two?
•Question one things are more external (except for being a true-friend to my step-daughters). In general they are goals that are about some form of external achievement (though all achievements whether primarily internal or external are mixed with material and mental success).

4.Pinpoint your UAC’s behind each goal in question two. Take your time. Be thorough. And be honest! What is the UAC holding you back from achieving it?
•My UAC is clear to me. That the “Judge” is a necessary part of my internal architecture that keeps me “safe”. I “know” it’s not true, but the judge shows up and has not been uprooted from its place of comfort in my psyche. I’m not “trying” anymore. I’m committed to uprooting this one!

5.Now take one of the above and truly commit to it – today!
6.Plan it, record it in your journal, schedule it in your daily planner, and schedule a reward for every milestone. (You can put in place a Structure).
7.Post your commitment on the discussion board with a ‘by when’ date.
•There will be a memorial service for my judge on December 31, 2007.

8.List your current UAC’s which are empowering you (e.g. be truthful, be constructive, respect my body).
•Listing this one UAC completes this process for me—I am guided by a vision of a loving, compassionate and peaceful me, connected to my inner wisdom and cadre of teachers that connects me to the world and to the enlightened mind of everyone walking on the planet and in the worlds that live between and beyond this physical one.

AC102: Enthusing

What if your coach was completely present with you and “got you” and you felt absorbed and potent in knowing that you were seen and validated? From there, the feeling is ignited that you can do whatever you set your heart and mind to. Your coach then enthuses you with a powerful but gentle encouragement to action. “I believe you will do this. I have confidence in you that you have everything it takes to move this forward.” No exclamation points. But driven home with the deep and authentic truth-telling of the coach to the coachee.

Language and tone are powerful for me. If someone is present with me, looks at me (or if they are on the phone they have indicated in some way they are fully there) and from their heart speaks the words “You have the power to do whatever it is you set your mind to. Remember that your thought, words and deeds have to line up. Then move ahead with confidence and without a hard ambition. Move with the current that is opening and change direction when the current keeps pushing against you. Have faith in the positive outcome and you will get there. In fact, you are already there. Just believe it. I believe in you.”

For all of you ambassadors of truth out there who are not interested in being enthused by a cheerleader, there are many ways to coach and enthuse through tone of the language. Just placing an exclamation point on the end of words makes me back away. I know why. We all have personal styles that are natural for us. This is why there is infinite diversity in our ways.
Power to the presence of mind.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

elevator

people hire me to hold up a great, big mirror so they can get on with it.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg