AC203: Empowering the Coaching Relationship

REFLECTION

Who do you think should have the responsibility for outcomes in the coaching relationship? You, the client, shared? Is your answer true, or simply a Perspective?

The client holds the ultimate responsibility for the outcomes of the coaching relationship. Responsibility is the key word here. The coach may be acknowledged for their contribution. As a partner in the coaching process the coach has an influence on the outcomes in the sense that she provides new perspectives that empower the client to take meaningful action aligned to their core values. But the client is ultimately responsible and owns the outcomes. Each individual does control the destiny of their coaching relationship.

What expectations will you set for clients in your business? How will you let clients know what these expectations are?

Clients will know what they can expect from me. They will understand the structures and boundaries, ethics and values that I bring to the relationship. They will know what their responsibilities are and what mine are. These will be communicated via a clearly defined document that is in my welcome packet and they will be asked to sign this agreement.
Through the process of peer coaching I’m learning about setting expectations for my clients and how to communicate those expectations.

In a current peer coaching partnership, my client didn’t show up for a session and didn’t inform me that she would miss the session. Though she actually knew ahead of time she would have a conflict, she didn’t inform me of this. Now, I know that there can be no consequence enforced because no verbal or written expectation around schedules and cancellations had been set prior to the beginning of our coaching relationship.
I assumed she would meet some basic requirement of telling me in advance of the session if she had a conflict.

It’s especially interesting to me that this behavior (on both sides—hers and mine) is coming from two people who are studying to be coaches. It teaches me that I must write out, verbalize and get agreement on clear expectations and boundaries with a client. My only option now is to set these expectations going forward. Great lesson.

Don’t assume that a person will understand your expectations and boundaries of the coaching relationship because they are a friend or a coach themselves. It must always be an explicit and agreed to commitment between both parties.

How might you encourage a client to prepare for a coaching session? How much preparation is enough?

Preparation for a coaching process is an individual as the person coming to the relationship. Personally, I don’t like homework. I like showing up and being in the present moment with what I need from the relationship. There is value in fieldwork for me around structures and commitments and actions that are helping me move forward, but I really don’t like preparation.

Having said that, there is value in visualizing and understanding what someone would like to see, hold, understand, or know as a result of the coaching relationship.

Some preparation questions I have asked my clients are “When our relationship is complete, what outcomes will you have achieved? What will be the result of our time together? What specific goals would you like to complete as a result of this process? How will you know when that is achieved?”

What sort of availability will you offer? How will you let clients know this and how will you ensure they take advantage of it?

I will offer 4 sessions/month, one of those being an email session. I will be available for 2 monthly quick calls up to 10 minutes each. This will be part of my agreement document. Feedback loops are important to track what’s happening in the relationship.

If a client is not taking advantage of the phone calls or email sessions, they will get an email reminder from me that this is something they can use. It will be clear in the agreement that if it is not used, it does not mean that the monthly rate will be discounted.

How will you take advantage of feedback from clients?

Through my learning process, I have used one effective question with all clients at the end of sessions, “What can I do more, better or differently to enhance the effectiveness of my coaching for your needs?” Also, “What about this session was valuable for you today?”

I think I have learned a lot from the answers to this question and have directly applied the feedback in future coaching sessions with each client.

Regarding positive feedback from clients—I will use this as an opportunity to leverage receiving testimonials and referrals to other clients.

What do you think might be the benefits of having a regular coaching session structure?

•Ensures you move through a process with the client that is focused on both giving support, empowering them and taking action.
•Helps to guide you when you may be feeling lost about what to do.
•Provides input on where you tend to focus and gives you an opportunity to use a more diverse set of coaching techniques and tools. This builds more maturity and mastery for the coach and greater outcomes for the client.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

yoga of the moment

We arrived at Dutch Creek Ranch 25 miles northeast of Steamboat Springs on a mid-summer Saturday afternoon. The ranch is a 100 acre spread surrounded by National Forest of great evergreen, birch and aspen trees. The day had been extremely hot in town and we expected the higher elevation of the ranch to offer cooler temperatures but there was little relief. The horses were lazy from the heat.

As we set off on our ride, the team of beautiful creatures that carried us coughed and wheezed as hooves kicked up the drought dust. No rain for weeks had been seen. “Only one heavy snow,” Trisha, our wrangler mentioned “fell just four weeks earlier,” as she pointed to the birch and aspen leaning from the weight of the stuff. Many had cracked and fallen over. Many were about to go—you could see them leaning toward the ground.

Minutes earlier before we set off on our ride, the family was getting ready at the lodge—putting on gear, sunscreen and bug juice. We were all hanging out on the great, wrap-around, wide-cut pine porch. A voice in my head tapped me, “Be careful.” “About what?” I wondered turning myself toward nothing. Immediately images of something terrible about to happen on the horses raced in my brain. “Is it dangerous?” I shook a bit and thought maybe we shouldn’t go. The voice returned “Just watch out.” It didn’t say don’t go. My senses sharpened. Ok. We’re going.

Then we were in the leaning tree forest and heading up higher into a stand of aspen that was sublimely beautiful. There were hundreds of white skinned beauties over 80 feet tall. We learned that the Native Americans used the white powder from their bark to protect their skin from sun. Tilda and I rubbed our open palms against the trunks as our horses lazed by and smeared nature’s sunscreen on our arms, our necks.

Sheepherders from Central and S America had come through these woods. These were traveling, migrant workers who came to trade work for some food, a little money and a quiet cabin in the forest. The brands of their stories were carved into the canvas of the trees. A man’s face, a woman’s voluptuous body, eyes everywhere. They were leaving their trace for whoever would pass to see. Tricia said it wasn’t good that they carved the trees but I looked at the images and considered the trees’ response. I don’t think they minded really.

It was still up there and the quiet was impossible. No white noise. No wires. No city. No other people. We continued on up high into this silent place. Then wind. It came swirling through and was pleasant and cooling. But wind means storms and the mountains brew bad weather as fast as a cloud can pass by. Everything changed within a couple of minutes.

The sound of the wind is what you notice when it grows and becomes strong. It cries and then shouts. The tall trees began to shake as we held onto our hats. Suddenly a cracking sound, THE cracking sound that was the beginning of a giant about to fall. The next thing I knew there were splinters and aspen bits hitting my left cheek and face and a hugh “Boom!” just beside me. My horse spooked. I felt no fear as he reared up, but instinctively and quickly restrained him with a tight pull on the reins. My thighs gripped his belly and I kept my seat as he landed back on all fours. It was all so quick. There was no time at all to think. Just do. Molly’s horse directly behind me had turned and run the other way. An 80 foot tree had just cracked and fallen within 10 feet of me and my horse. We were literally steps away from getting crushed. “Be careful. Watch out.” There it was.

In the yoga of the moment, my sharpened senses heard the crack, gripped the reins, and I saw the fear in the eyes of my animal. But I held him fast and we landed safe. I remember feeling no fear, just presence of mind. What I do remember is the feeling of sharp aspen splinters grazing my face. It was close. Very close. And the voice of our wrangler in an anxious and hurried voice as she called out, “Everyone now, we are getting out of here fast. Move along quickly. We have to walk fast now.”

So we did, and that was fun, getting a chance to gitty-up along home.

Present vs. Absent

One of my coaching niches is mindfulness coaching. This supports the client to cultivate a state of awareness and of mind that is about touching and living in the present moment. It is also about cultivating ways to let go of the mind’s habit to think about the past or the future or any other place than the present.

Examples of being absent by living in the past:

If the client talks habitually about many things they have said before, this is one clue that they are living in the past. Though they may already have structures in place that have been co-creatively designed with the coach to effect positive change and transformation, they may still dwell on the original issue rather than the successes they have achieved. It’s not “good enough.” This is being absent from what is going on now—that changes have occurred and the issue is different now than it was before.

A coach I know reported this observation about her client:

“One comment from my Reiki practitioner client is, ‘even when I do the things that are right, things don’t go the way I want them to”. This of course comes back to being in the moment, and not being attached to an outcome. I ask her ‘Who’s ‘right’ is it you are doing?’ If you are being present, and centered, how is the outcome not right? As opposed to what her expectations are.” –Sanne Berrig/Coach

The coach has employed the present vs. absent tool in this context with the use of the questions posed here. The coach has highlighted an additional insight and value associated with this power tool—staying focused on the present without being attached to the outcome.

This is a higher-level awareness and one that may be challenging for many clients to adopt as a focus. This focus can be a powerful technique in living fully here and now and most importantly, feeling and finding satisfaction and enjoyment in life.

Doing now but letting go of the outcome is an important practice in mindfulness based coaching and actually a part of any powerful coaching because it is helping the client to observe their present state of grace and enjoy life as it is.

When a client keeps returning to past issues, not only are the living outside of the present moment, but it is an indication that they may need to be referred to a therapist or a counselor. If they cannot move forward and let go of past issues, invite them to consider an alternate or additional source of professional support.

It may be that the coach can help the client by uncovering UAC’s and by uprooting and resolving their hold, bring the client into the present.

Moving a client forward through a simple effective question can help bring them into a state of being present. A question such as, “Are you aware of the momentum you have built around this? Tell me about that?” or “What is different now since we began focusing on this issue?” Support the client in recognizing the truth of what is happening now and help them be more present within themselves and celebrate their wins.

Example of being absent by living in the future:

A client may have a desire to calm themselves and tone down the noise of their minds. Though they have made progress, their language can identify a fixation on some perfection that is not attained yet (in the future). They may say things like, “My dream of being centered and quiet seems so far away” or “I don’t know if this is ever going to be something I can hold onto because my life is overwhelming and complicated. I have so much going on in the next few weeks.”

Many clients will say things like “I’ll be happy when…” This is another example of living in a future state. Setting daily goals and shifting the perspective to the present through powerful questions will build present state of mind awareness. We are all more content when we can celebrate our small wins rather than focusing on the perfection over the hill.

Support the client in experiencing the success they have achieved and bring them right into the present state. Ask them to stop and take notice of what is going on right now. Observe the breath. Look around. What do they see, feel, smell, hear and taste? Something as simple as turning the focus on the senses and on the body can bring the client into the present immediately. Help them relax by asking them what will help them to do so. Simple questions like “How are you feeling right now?” or “What can we do to calm the mind now?” can pull the client into the present instantaneously.

Daily Acknowledgement Tools & Tips:

Some ways that you can support your client to adopt a present mindset:

•Morning Pages—In Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, morning pages are described as three pages of writing (long hand) each morning about anything that comes to your head. Julia reports that just as you feel refreshed when you step out of the shower, your mind, heart and soul will feel refreshed after writing the morning pages. It is a way to get the junk out of the system, clear yourself and begin each day fresh and ready for the miracle of life to unfold before you.

•Gratitude journals—Spend a few minutes each day writing down everything in your life that you are grateful for right now. It could be as simple as noticing the blue sky, even that you are taking time to acknowledge yourself.

•Develop a mindfulness practice—Ten minutes a day focusing the mind, quieting the mind, observing the breath and the body is a powerful tool for cultivating the ability to stay focused in the present moment.

•Cultivate Forgiveness—Don’t expect yourself to be perfectly present and in the now each moment! It’s normal to drift and move in and out of the time zones of the mind. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself when you find yourself wandering away and gracefully lead your own self back to center.

Support the client by acknowledging and celebrating everything they are doing right now–including the coaching call they are having with you right this second! This is a great way to help them connect to themselves now and appreciate who they are in the present moment.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

yoga of the moment

 

We arrived at Dutch Creek Ranch 25 miles northeast of Steamboat Springs on a mid-summer Saturday afternoon. The ranch is a 100 acre spread surrounded by National Forest of great evergreen, birch and aspen trees. The day had been extremely hot in town and we expected the higher elevation of the ranch to offer cooler temperatures but there was little relief. The horses were lazy from the heat.

As we set off on our ride, the team of beautiful creatures that carried us coughed and wheezed as hooves kicked up the drought dust. No rain for weeks had been seen. “Only one heavy snow,” Trisha, our wrangler mentioned “fell just four weeks earlier,” as she pointed to the birch and aspen leaning from the weight of the stuff. Many had cracked and fallen over. Many were about to go—you could see them leaning toward the ground.

Minutes earlier before we set off on our ride, the family was getting ready at the lodge—putting on gear, sunscreen and bug juice. We were all hanging out on the great, wrap-around, wide-cut pine porch. A voice in my head tapped me, “Be careful.” “About what?” I wondered turning myself toward nothing. Immediately images of something terrible about to happen on the horses raced in my brain. “Is it dangerous?” I shook a bit and thought maybe we shouldn’t go. The voice returned “Just watch out.” It didn’t say don’t go. My senses sharpened. Ok. We’re going.

Then we were in the leaning tree forest and heading up higher into a stand of aspen that was sublimely beautiful. There were hundreds of white skinned beauties over 80 feet tall. We learned that the Native Americans used the white powder from their bark to protect their skin from sun. Tilda and I rubbed our open palms against the trunks as our horses lazed by and smeared nature’s sunscreen on our arms, our necks.

Sheepherders from Central and S America had come through these woods. These were traveling, migrant workers who came to trade work for some food, a little money and a quiet cabin in the forest. The brands of their stories were carved into the canvas of the trees. A man’s face, a woman’s voluptuous body, eyes everywhere. They were leaving their trace for whoever would pass to see. Tricia said it wasn’t good that they carved the trees but I looked at the images and considered the trees’ response. I don’t think they minded really.

It was still up there and the quiet was impossible. No white noise. No wires. No city. No other people. We continued on up high into this silent place. Then wind. It came swirling through and was pleasant and cooling. But wind means storms and the mountains brew bad weather as fast as a cloud can pass by. Everything changed within a couple of minutes.

The sound of the wind is what you notice when it grows and becomes strong. It cries and then shouts. The tall trees began to shake as we held onto our hats. Suddenly a cracking sound, THE cracking sound that was the beginning of a giant about to fall. The next thing I knew there were splinters and aspen bits hitting my left cheek and face and a hugh “Boom!” just beside me. My horse spooked. I felt no fear as he reared up, but instinctively and quickly restrained him with a tight pull on the reins. My thighs gripped his belly and I kept my seat as he landed back on all fours. It was all so quick. There was no time at all to think. Just do. Molly’s horse directly behind me had turned and run the other way. An 80 foot tree had just cracked and fallen within 10 feet of me and my horse. We were literally steps away from getting crushed. “Be careful. Watch out.” There it was.

In the yoga of the moment, my sharpened senses heard the crack, gripped the reins, and I saw the fear in the eyes of my animal. But I held him fast and we landed safe. I remember feeling no fear, just presence of mind. What I do remember is the feeling of sharp aspen splinters grazing my face. It was close. Very close. And the voice of our wrangler in an anxious and hurried voice as she called out, “Everyone now, we are getting out of here fast. Move along quickly. We have to walk fast now.”

So we did, and that was fun, getting a chance to gitty-up along home.

Copyright © 2007 Lisa Jo Landsberg

Quietness

Inside this new love, die.
Your way begins on the other side.
Become the sky.
Take an axe to the prison wall.
Escape.
Walk out like someone suddenly born into color.
Do it now.
You’re covered with thick cloud.
Slide out the side. Die,
and be quiet. Quietness is the surest sign
that you’ve died.
Your old life was a frantic running
from silence.

The speechless full moon
comes out now.

—-the one and only Rumi